For Paul/Mike, not boyfriends, but still sources of amusement.

Supervillain's Girlfriend Monologue, or For Good Girls Who Love Bad Boys
(read with "proper" British accent)

I don't believe this. Here we go again. That jackass is pontificating and explaining his evil plan for world domination when he should really just off Mr. Hero while he's in a state of suspended weakness. Meanwhile, I'm standing here holding a gun to his beloved sweetheart's head.

God. What does he even see in her? Silly bint doesn't even know how good she has it. I'm wasting my life as a groupie in this ridiculous skintight leather getup and she has the perfect boyfriend. I bet he's even super in bed too.

That jackass still hasn't shut up yet. I need a fucking cigarette, but that would require me to put down the damn gun. Things weren't always like this you know. I got my degree in English at Harvard, followed by Law School at Cambridge, specializing in International Law. I could have worked for the UN. I mean, Angelina Jolie has nothing on me. But no, I'm holding the All-American girl-next-door hostage at the bidding of that jackass.

He wasn't always like this, you know? In fact, that was why I fell in love with him in the first place. We met at a peace rally after he had given a speech on the importance of renewable energy. He was in Environmental Law, I was in International. Together, we were supposed to save the world, not destroy it. Hell. I guess some people really do change.

Damnit. He's still going on...and on...and on. You know, we used to denounce nuclear arms and biological weapons, not use them to throw our weight around. I guess it's true what they say about how it's impossible to tear down the master's house with the master's tools.

Yeah. Just as I thought, our hero has sescaped and is now handing my boyfriend's ass to him. Jesus. He's still just my boyfriend? My mom keeps calling me, asking "When are you going to get married? When are you going to get married? You're not young anymore and you have gained some weight...and I expect to see my grandchildren before I'm dead." Yeah. Like that will ever happen...

And now he's in a coma.

Shit. Mr. Wonderful's on his way over here. Time to drop the gun and let the lady go with some obligatory line like "Oh, he'd never do that for me!" or "Why is it that good girls go for such bad guys?" Then I'll sigh as he gives me a platonic hug in those masculine arms of his and he'll laugh and fly her off to safety as shit starts getting blown all to hell around here.

So, you're probably wondering what I'm still doing with this jerk, dragging him to the escape pod and such. What can I say? I'm a sucker for impossible romance.