I am (or will be) an information ninja. Proper Villainy Post #1

"Archivists receive no training in applying physical force against suspected thieves as part of their graduate work, and physical force applied by an untrained staff member could result in serious injury to the patron or the staff member. If the repository wants its employees to use physical force to stop suspected thieves fromleaving the archives, the repository should provide the appropriate training." 


- From "Preventing Patron Theft in the Archives: Legal Perspectives and Problems" by Vincent A. Totka, Jr. in Volume 56, Number 4 / Fall 1993 of American Archivist 

I wonder if I can get someplace I work for in the future to hook me up with some sort of martial arts/self-defense lessons. It would be pretty sweet to lay some hurt on jackasses who try to steal documents or artifacts. Granted, we're usually supposed to be polite and accommodating, but steal or damage our items and your life is forfeit (at least as far as I'm concerned).


In other news, since I probably won't get around to it and my sort of dark foray into vigilantism is a bit relevant, I may as well mention this now that it's Sunday and I'm clearly not bothering to even attempt getting any work done right now (I'm an atheist, but I do agree that it's good to have one day in the week set aside to avoid work whether God said so or not).


I've been trying to pick up on supervillain habits, particularly mundane ones, and somehow apply becoming a Proper Villain down to the dullest of deeds to the information science world.


The first one I've come up with is:


Villains like Frozen Yogurt


Ok, I've only come up with two examples so far.


1. Dr. Horrible







Look at this guy. Granted, he seemed more like a good guy than the "superhero" Captain Hammer, but he knew that the way to the love interest's heart is through probiotic frozen treats with fruit stirred in. Ok, so things didn't work out so well with Penny, but they darn well could have. That's not the point. He was a good and Proper Villain: refusing a fight challenge since kids played at the park where the challenge was to be met and refusing to kill some kid in Iowa just because he's going to grow up to become president. Even evil has standards.


If you haven't already done so (sheesh, where have you been?), please watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.


2. Sylar (maybe)





Ok, this might actually be ice cream, but notice he's wearing a wool coat in New York (or maybe Vancouver because everyone and their mom films in Vancouver) so he's probably eating ice cream/frozen yogurt in the winter. So what conclusions can we draw here? Sylar simply does not give a fuck. "Isn't it too cold out for ice cream/frozen yogurt?" someone may ask. Then there would be a flipping of the bird with a simultaneous cranial slicing. This is also the same guy who murdered a chick's twin brother then had sex with her almost immediately afterward.


We also know that Sylar likes cake, but that's a different story, especially since I'm more or less pretending that the show stopped after first season (although I do acknowledge one of my above-listed examples draws from a second season storyline).


As for me, I guess I'm a villain in training. I had a bit of frozen coconut flavored yogurt with mochi stirred in. This was in February. I remember wearing one mitten to hold the cup and having one hand bare to wield the spoon better as I walked to my meeting. No rest for the wicked, right? Sharks have to stay moving to survive, etc. I am a fan of eating while moving. This is why I find portable foods like burritos ideal. I even managed to eat a bowl of split pea soup and a plastic clamshell container of pad thai from a food cart all while walking from point A (one damn thing) to point B (after another).


What was the point of all this rambling madness? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that being a proper villain involves a certain minimum amount of crazy. I've got a surplus of it, so I guess I'm on my way then.


To reiterate my findings thus far, Proper Villains/Archivists:

1. Like frozen yogurt.
2. Have standards/will not harm children.
3. Are not overly-conscious of the opinions of others (polite)./Just don't give a fuck (vulgar).
4. Don't have time to sit down and eat, but still like to eat something healthy while treating themselves.
5. Film in Vancouver.

If anyone has any further examples of frozen yogurt-related villainy, please let me know. Also, send any other examples of mundane Proper Villainy to me.

Nerding out and further procrastination/insomnia

Inspired by this (link here if the video doesn't embed):



... and Doctor Who... And yes, I know that time travel and theft don't really work like that. Stealing what is presumably the "first" of a species does not stop the evolutionary process... there might not even really be a "first" so much as an entire population group that adapts to its environment over time.

Time Travel and Your Inner Fish

The engine hummed and buzzed, letting out a little clank to let the time traveler know that there was still one part, albeit nonessential, that needed repair or replacement. The thing gurgled happily in its makeshift aquarium.

Could a primitive tetrapod feel happiness? This certainly wasn't some ordinary "thing," but tiktaalik, perhaps not even really a tetrapod either. The time traveler sighed, realizing his thoughts hung in his head instead of bouncing off the walls and into the ears of some equally enthusiastic, albeit usually confused companion. It was always easier when there was someone around to share the pure joy of information. In all truth, he probably explained things out loud to make sure they still made sense to himself.

Those days were gone, at least for now. For someone so used to being at all sides of the space-time continuum, he was uncertain about his own timeline and his place in it, whether there really was enough room for someone else. For now, he was all alone...

... all alone except for the strange thing that looked like someone had glued a fish and an alligator together, or created a giant salamander with eyes on top of its head that looked like planarian eye spots. What appeared to be nostrils were merely forerunners called spiracles leading to what could well be primitive lungs.

It would have been amazing to dissect this creature, have a look inside. However, that was not to be. This was no mere specimen. He would no sooner dissect this creature than any of the humanoid companions he had shared his long life with. In a way, this was the great to the nth degree grandparent to them all. If not for this particular specimen, fish would have never left the brackish primordial sea for the oozing mud of prehistoric shores. No dinosaurs or mammals would have roamed the earth, let alone humans. He always had a particular soft spot for humans...

... which was what had gotten him into this whole mess in the first place. This current odd "companion" was a product of a mad chase through space and time just for a case of catch up with an old friend from school. Granted, this old friend from school had become more or less completely insane over time, craving power and the creation of chaos instead of being able to take a deep breath and enjoy the universe for what it was. No, this particular time traveler was obsessed with what he thought the universe should be instead of the wonder of what it was. So naturally, with the spite of someone who burns down your house with your pets inside just because you no longer wish to see them, he kidnapped the first tiktaalik and lured our hero for yet another grand, final battle.

It doesn't take a time traveler to know that any "final" battle is anything but. They could very well go on like this forever, bickering and blustering on, occasionally reminiscing past glories, but what was the point? Even thinking about it made our time traveler tired. What was important was that this particular battle was over.

"How about we get you back home again?" His voice cracked slightly at the word "home," somewhat unaccustomed to speaking after a long period of relative silence.

Tiktaalik burbled cheerfully, or so it seemed. It did a proud turn in its small enclosure. Breathing in, ribs expanding beneath its scales as if to defy the artificial gravity that would have otherwise threatened to cave in its entire body. Each breath of air it took out of water, crawling through the mud was a statement of triumph.

Gently lifting the creature out of the tank, the time traveler got a bit of mud on his suit. It flopped about in protest, nearly toppling them both over. Not only was it a good 4 feet long, but stronger than most other things that size. It was a small price to pay to make sure the humans would become -- just become, really.

He watched it frolic on the shore, not so much frolic as do a series of pushup crawl-slithers about before wandering off in the shallows. Stretching on the muddy banks, he rolled up his sleeves and yawned.

It was going to be an interesting 375 million years.

For more information, check out this interview. Or this lecture: